Long hiatus!

Ugh, so very long hiatus here!  Not that anyone reads, but whatevs.

To summarize the last 4 or so months - the holidays were pretty crazy with work and travel up to New Hampshire to see family.  I got a job offer in mid-January and I had to deal with leaving one firm, horrendous delays in the conflict check/resolution process, and starting a new job in late February. 

And fencing kind of sucked - I had a nice mini-break down after coming in nearly last place at a tournament.  It was sort of like hitting rock bottom - all of these problems and habits I've been working to change just overwhelmed me.  I took a couple of weeks off, and have had a few realizations:

1.  I really, really, really, really need to get my head straightened out.  A lot of my problems are stemming from mental issues - I put SO much pressure on myself and that is so counterproductive.  I need to start loading up my iPod with happy, chill music and listen to it in between bouts to help elevate my mood if a bout doesn't go well, etc.  It's sort of hilarious, because when I get pissed at myself for not fencing my best and telling myself I need to do better and that I can do better, I then start getting pissed at myself for getting pissed at myself!  Talk about a downward spiral.

2.  I need to remember to keep my weapon hand relaxed.  I hadn't realized it for quite a while, but I've slowly been tightening my grip on my epee.  Once I tighten my hand up, everything else gets tight - my extension disappears, I don't move, I lose point control.  The difference is just astounding.  I realized it one day in practice this week.  I was fencing like crap in practice, and after one particularly bad touch, I just suddenly realized that I had a death-grip on my epee.  I relaxed my hand and the entire bout changed.  I moved better, my point control was spot on, my disengages, parries and beats were 150% better.  I'm talking drastic change.

3.  Extension, extension, extension!  My counterattacks aren't landing often because I do a wimpy little extension as I retreat.  I really need to fully commit to my counters.  By not fully committing and not giving a full extension, I'm turning potential single lights or possible double touches into easy touches for my opponent.  I need to work on this.

4.  I need to be a bit more patient with my coach.  If I'm coming to practice after missing a week of fencing, my first practice back is pretty much a wash.  I don't move well, extension is bad, etc.  So I usually walk into that first day back with the goal of getting moving again, getting some exercise, etc.  These are often the days when my coach will tell me during practice bouts to move more, etc.  He's absolutely right, but because I've written most of the day off already, I will often wave at him, say "I know, I know" and then go back to fencing.  I don't ignore him and I do try to fix things, but I also know that putting expectations on myself on these days are a one-way trip to frustration. I just don't want my coach to feel like I'm waving him off and ignoring him.  Far from it - every single thing I need to work on and fix are things that he's been working with me on for months now!

I fenced pretty well in practice last night - still not as consistent as I like, but I'm feeling pretty good right now about recognizing problems (like gripping my epee, or fixing my distance), and I'm getting some decent touches throughout my practice bouts.  One more night of practice tonight, with a lesson.  Divisional Championships are on Saturday - I'm fencing in both Div II and III.  I'm doing my best to just go into it with a calm mind and with little pressure.  I know I've had a rough year and have not devoted enough to training to really have any expectations about myself.  So I'm going to go in on Saturday to try to have fun.  A lot of my favorite people will be there on Saturday so hopefully we'll have some laughs and enjoy the day.  And however I place will be however I place.